I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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