Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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