I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
