she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
