This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
