In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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