Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
