apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had to cum in my sink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
