You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
