I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
