Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
