a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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