Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
