I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
