Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
