Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
