I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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