my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
