all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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