you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We had to coat check the pizza.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
