Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
