obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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