I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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