just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
