A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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