the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
