please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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