i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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