508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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