The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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