I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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