"it" just moved
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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