I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
