Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize