I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
