I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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