I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize