I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
