The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
