I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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