I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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