You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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