it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
