The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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