I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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