If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
