help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
