Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
