I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
