I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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