His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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