Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
