your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you traded sex for a burrito?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
