sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
