So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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