I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
