That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
