The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
