he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
