omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize