It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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