Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
