i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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