hotel room ftw
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
