Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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