Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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