She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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