yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
