is your mom at the bar?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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