I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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