It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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