When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
