im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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