My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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