My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
