so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
